I love the soft colors on your site! The layout is super readable and the tone of your story really seemed to suit the plot. I also like this adaptation of St. Francis of Assisi! It gives the story a totally new life. Do the dogs whimper because they're afraid of his greatness? Or is it like a happy puppy whimper? I also want to know why St. Francis was suffering! Is he sick? Is it a spiritual void? Did people notice that he wasn't doing well? Did the boy know he was helping St. Francis, or did he really just want to buy fruit? I noticed that the first story is labeled "Intro" in the top corner - you may want to change it to "Story 1" or "St. Francis". Also, the homepage is super low contrast - it's nice to look at, but maybe you'll want to put a little text in the bottom half (like a link to your comment wall or a brief introduction to your theme), just so it will look a little more full. Great work over all! I'm looking forward to reading more.
What a great start! I remember reading your story in a previous week, and I liked how the first half got beefed up a bit. First of all, your layout and colors are really pretty, and I love the idea about choosing joy and how your stories have the purpose of bringing happiness to the reader. One thing I would suggest about your home page, I think it is supposed to include a sentence or two about what your portolio is? Also, a link to the comment wall (this page) somewhere so readers have easy access to it when they want to leave feedback. Some of my thoughts from the first time I read your story still remain. I also read the saints and animals unit, and I was really suprised when you had Saint Francis need to be romantically involved in order to feel fulfilled, when traditionally it is the complete opposite. I wonder how the authenticity of their relationship would change if you fleshed out the relationship a bit more? It would also give you a more length, which I was left wanting since your writing style is so nice. I wanted more to read! I was a little confused in your author's note when you said "This message can also be seen in the traditional story Saint Francis of Assisi”, when your message is "you can have everything but if you have no one to share it with then you have nothing", but then describe a story that deals with a wolf. Also, I am still a bit unsure how these stories are supposed to be bringing the reader joy, but I am looking forward to how your vision will develop in the future. Great start!
I just read your first story and absolutely loved it. What a great story to welcome people to your site! The story of St. Francis and Clare is so beautiful and definitely makes people feel good. I love the paragraph format the you chose to tell your story in. Have you thought about including dialogue or additional pictures in between paragraphs to engage a more of a storybook feel? I think it might be very beneficial in helping the reader to feel more interested in the story and in turn help them feel good after reading it. Your site looks great so far! I think it might be helpful to spice up your homepage a bit. I just redid mine today and added a few pictures just to provide a few more visuals. It helps excite people who are coming to your site. Additionally, it might be easier for your readers to find your comment wall if it is linked somewhere on your site. Maybe on the homepage or under your stories? Such a great start and can't wait to see what else you'll do.
I was first intrigued by your title of "Choose Joy." I thought this was a good reminder that some days that is a choice for us to make. I do like how you incorporated a love story. I was wondering what was causing the void in St. Francis. He seemed to have lived a life that became fulfilling for him, or I would believe that he would not have chosen to keep living that way. I wonder what the two lovebirds did with their time once they finally found each other. Did they spend their days making the world a better place? What if they did outreaches where they would give fresh fruit to the homeless people of the city? One suggestion I have for the appearance of your story is trying to find a higher resolution picture of Saint Francis, or maybe making the size of the picture smaller. When I look at your page, that picture is quite blurry. Good luck with future edits!
Hi Olivia, I really liked how you had doves grab Saint Francis's attention. Using animal reactions to demonstrate the goodness of a character is classic and a method all readers will recognize, therefore a perfect way to do it! Great job on the entire story, it was cute, sweet, and fun to read! I wonder what Clare and Saint Francis said to each other when they first met? Was it a little bit awkward or immediately romantic in a soulmate kind of way? Was it dramatic or super casual? Perhaps you could add a couple lines of romantic dialogue to make this meet-cute even cuter! If these two were recounting how they met, how would they describe it? How about how they fell in love? Or did both happen simultaneously? Your story is already cute and romantic; it seems like this kind of stuff comes naturally to you! I am in favor of adding more romantic details/details on the romance! Good job and good luck!
Hey Olivia! My first impression from your website was that the main page felt somewhat barren. You might want to include some expository details and links around to make it a bit easier to get around. I enjoyed your story quite a bit! To see a man who spent his life bringing joy to others fall to his lowest moment, then find the beginning of his new life not only was a great story, but very well set the stage for the rest of the stories you'll be creating, assuming that they will fall into a similar vein of tone/moral. I think you could maybe include some more detail into the story, such as why Francis came to such despair or who the boy was or what his purpose was other than uniting the two to-be lovebirds. Lastly, I think that the first interaction between the woman and Francis felt very natural, and helped to not feel like an artificial romance.
Hello Olivia! Great page. I think it seems like you focused on the story telling, something that we could all learn from. Sometimes it is best to remember that writing itself really is the most important part of writing! Your story Lance in Love is a great take on The Lion in Love. I was definitely following the similarities, but you did an excellent job of putting your own spin on the writing. The narrative felt very modern and I think that if Aesop was writing today, the stories would read a lot like yours. I fel the same way about your take on St. Francis. Your depiction of his kindness to Clair is probably very accurate to how this exchange would have happened today. Even the way that the dove is personified made it seem like it was happening in real time, not like most dated folklore stories. I am interested to see what other stories you write in this same modern and current voice.
Hi Olivia! First off, I love the aesthetic of your blog. The light pastels and the white text is a really good combination. The ocean banner image is very relaxing too! I really enjoyed reading your stories and it is evident that you pay attention to detail. I think that you have an ongoing theme of love in your stories and I think that's very intriguing. Your story Lance in Love was my favorite; it was a great twist off the original story and a great modern day love story. Particularly, I really liked that you gave the story a happy ending. Your story with St. Franics and Clair was very endearing. I think you accurately illustrated how their relationship would actually be. I am eager to continue reading more of your stories and getting to know you better! Have a great rest of the semester! Good Luck! -Madee
Hey Olivia, I am actually from the Indian Epics class, but I wanted to read something new. I am glad that I came across your portfolio. The romance you put in the story was enjoyable to read. I know you should not get into a relationship to change others, but I like how Lance changed for the better. I like how you made opposites attract. Did you consider making a scene where Lance and Madison have their first encounter? I would like to see how they react to each other. I think adding some good things about Madison and Lance's character would show why they were attracted to each other and not so much focused on what they wanted to change about each other. I know you included something like this when you said, "Madison feared Lance’s power, she was also equally attracted to it. "If you expand on this I think it would bring your story more together. Overall, a great read! Joanna
Hi Olivia, I love the idea behind your project. As a tired and stressed out college student, I could always use some joy, and your sweet stories and soft color scheme work well together to make sure your reader feels that. I have already read and commented on your first story, Saint Francis. I liked it a lot, and your next story was just as good. Some notes: On your homepage, Saint Francis comes before Lance in Love. But at the top where you have links to the next story, the order is reversed. I read Saint Francis a week ago so I think that was your first one but I am not sure. Either way, it would be a good idea to make sure the order matches. In Lance in Love, one thing I noticed is that you use the word "while" a lot. Perhaps in your revision you could change that. I thought this story was really sweet and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
I really like the look of your website. I also found the topic of your stories to be helpful, especially for college students.
I enjoyed your story titled "Lance in Love." The story was very well written, and you delivered a compelling plot. I liked how you changed it from the original story to fit a modern realistic scenario. I also liked how you left out the part where the family goes on to take advantage of the lion. The original story kind of had a message of negativity when it comes to love. Sort of like, the dumb things you do for love kind of thing. But you focusing on the "love can tame all things" aspect was a really turn for the story.
I wish you could have provided some concrete examples of Lance's actions as to proved that he changed. In the original story, the lion made some very permanent changes to his body. What is to stop Lance in picking up his bad habits again?
I really enjoyed the story and I look forward to reading more story from you!
I just finished reading your first story, Lance in Love, and I really enjoyed it! I really like how you turned a sad story into a happy one and had the characters grow along the way, especially Lance. I did not expect him to agree to change, but he did out of love for Madison, which I found very sweet.
Just a few things: make sure to keep the same tense throughout the story--in a few places you use the present tense when most of the story is in the past tense. Also, at one point you use the word "donate" when I think you meant to use "donation". But other than those minor things, the story was really well-written and I am so excited to read what else you will write for this project! I love the theme of joy and agree that joy is seriously lacking in many people's lives, sadly.
Great work and I look forward to seeing how your storybook progresses throughout the semester!
I am a really big fan of your storybook project! Every aspect of it is really well done! The writing in your stories is very descriptive, and your word choice and overall writing style really flows with the theme and feeling of your story as a whole. I was pleasantly surprised that the story had a happy ending, and I think that it was really well executed! Your website layout is another component that makes your storybook so effective. The images and website theming you employed really reflect how the story feels, and that really makes the whole storybook feel more cohesive and makes its effect even larger on the reader!
Keep up the fantastic work and I hope you have a great rest of the semester!
This was my first time looking at your project. The site overall looked really good. I liked the photos you chose and the way everything was set up. Also, the link to your comment wall worked which was great because I have read a few where it didn't and I had to do some digging to find the comment wall. I didn't have that problem here! As for your stories, the way you adapted the first one was really creative. I felt sorry for the lion in the original story so I was glad there was a happy ending. I wonder if you could go more into detail about the way Lance changed. It felt a bit rushed. Also, I would like seeing more interaction between him and Madison. Why did she love him despite his flaws? Was she blind to them or did she put up with them out of love? Other than that, it was really good. -Elyse
First off, I really like the title of your portfolio! I was really drawn in by it. You obviously are really creative in the way you have retold these stories.So often there are sad endings to the stories we read in this class but you found a way to make it a happy ending. I feel like your personality really shines through these stories as well which is a hard thing to do when we aren't completely making up our own. Good Job! Keep up the good work!
I am a big fan of your site. I remember seeing your set up earlier in the semester and I think you have continued to take it in a great direction. I particularly enjoyed your telling of the Lion in Love story, or should I say "Lance in Love!" For one, I thought that the setting of the story was a refreshing twist to change such a classic tale. Even from the introductory sentence, language like "speed of light" tells the reader that the narrative will be taking place in a modern world. Or at least a lot different than the world of Aesop. Changing the world of the story gives us so many opportunities for literary exercises, and you definitely took advantage of that here. The use Lance and Madison to tell this story in a world of today really comes through in your writing. It is funny how much the story still seems so relevant, when it comes out and is set in such a different time than the original.
This is my first chance this semester to get to look through your portfolio. I think you did such a great job of making it your own! For one, your three stories are all very unique, as is the layout of your site!! It’s super readable, is easy on the eyes, and I didn’t have any trouble finding my way around. Ok let’s get to the stories. After looking over your site I immediately clicked on the story about St. Francis. I have always loved history, and I’m especially fond of medieval church history. Both St. Francis and St. Clare are figures I am very much familiar with, and I wanted to see what twists you put on their story! I think you did a great job of keeping the old feel while still adding in your own touch. I think you made a good point about how as humans, we have many felt and real needs. Well done!
I am from the Indian Epics portion of Professor Gibbs class. I love sneaking over to y'alls side of town and reading your stories. It is a lot of fun when you have not read the original story that sparked your story. I suggest giving it a go! I read your story about the jealous uncle. Since I did not read the Native American tale it came from, I was in suspense the whole time. I am not a nail biter, but I almost became one while reading your story! This week we are writing about paragraph formation and how it may enhance a story. I thought the way you broke up your story into the different paragraphs helped how the story read. It made it easier. As a side note, I really enjoyed your first sentence. I like how you set the scenery, and provided the reader a visual. Great Story, and even great meme! haha
Just wanted to first say that I was super excited to get to meet and talk to you in person. It really helped me better my stories so thank you for the suggestions. You are an awesome person and I really like Chase also! This is my first time looking at your portfolio and I must say you have done an amazing job. I really like the layout of your site and I feel it is very aesthetically pleasing. I think your stories all have your own personal twist on them, which is easier to see after talking with you. I like how you were able to maintain the theme of the original stories but also change it up enough to keep it very interesting and have an original look/feel. I like how you changed the ending also on the lion story, I kept getting disappointed because some of these stories make it all at the lion's expense. Great job so far and hope you have a great rest of the semester!
Hi again Olivia, Oh wow, I just read your latest story. How disturbing, but well written. The suspense was killing me, I was racing through the words to get to the end. I was so scared to read what she would find behind the door. Thank god the kids were alive and it was not just bodies but still, what a sad story. Those poor kids and parents. They all must be traumatized. Yikes. And so scary to think of crazy people like the uncle. I think what truly makes this so disturbing is the fact that it could and does happen in real life. Some people are truly messed up. Anyway, you clearly did a fantastic job writing this to make me so bothered. If you go into writing, perhaps this should be your genre. Suspense/thriller/mystery, you are clearly good at it. What a different vibe from your other stories too, which is not a bad thing. I think it is really cool how you went with a totally different feeling and genre for this story but still kept to your theme. It is definitely more interesting than another love story, though you are good at writing those too. Thought it was interesting to read about where you got the idea for this story and how you changed it. Good job. Your paragraphs are good and I like your design.
This is my first time visiting your site and I was not disappointed. I love the theme you chose to incorporate into each of your stories. Everyone loves reading a short story that makes them smile. I really liked the message in the story about Saint Francis because its absolutely true. The essence of love is putting other's needs and wants before your own for with no expectations of getting anything in return. It is a natural feeling to want to be loved, so to follow the golden rule and treat others the way you want to be treated, you must make others feel loved. You are right when you said in your note that if you have all the love in the world, but don't share it, then you have nothing. Great work on your stories and thank you for the smiles.
I loved reading the story about the jealous uncle. When I clicked onto your page I saw the meme that said “Hide yo kids” and I just knew I had to read that story! It was an awesome story, too. I see how you implemented the general agenda of your storybook about “Choosing Joy” in the mother’s actions. I don’t think I would ever stop looking for my kids if they were being stolen like that. Your paragraph spacing was good. I didn’t see anything that really needed to be changed in it. In my stories there is a lot of dialogue, so Professor Gibbs has asked that I break each line from a different character into a new paragraph to promote clarity, but it doesn’t appear that you had any dialogue. Still, your paragraphs were of appropriate size, so I don’t think you really need to adjust anything. Great work!
I applaud you for having the intention you have for your storybook. Lots of people decide to skate through things in life and ultimately don't do much to feed back into society. You are fulfilling your duty by creating a positive, uplifting storybook that inspires us to live our best life. Thank you! As this was my first time visiting your storybook, I was immediately drawn to the story about Lance Dumas; it really is a pretty great name :). I also made another connection to the story because I'm a Leo! Lions are pretty cool too, hehe.
In regards to this story, I love the message here. I'm glad you put a positive spin on it and made it a happy ending. For improvements, I would recommend adding more resolution, or just transitioning from the climax/problem to the end/solution a little bit better. Readers like seeing enough resolution that is proportional to the build-up that was done.
Other than that, I had no other big bones to pick! Great job! -Lance J.
This is my second time now getting to read through your storybook, and it has really come along a lot in a positive way since the last time I read it! The website is still very awesome and lends itself to creating an interactive experience for the reader, and it really allows the reader to immerse themselves in your stories and ideas because of its continuity. I love getting to read your uplifting and happy stories because the storybook is doing exactly what you intend it to! I am impressed by how your writing style really creates a world within the story and allows the reader to actually imagine what things look like and how things are interacting. Great work, and I can't wait to read more in the future!
I enjoyed getting to read through your work on your project. I also enjoyed reading the stories because despite all the hard things your characters went through they still kept hope. I think the idea of spreading hope and happiness is a wonderful thing and many times we miss those things because we get tired of dealing with the everyday world. I am also grateful of your website design. The design is minimal which allows for me to read your stories easily. I also really enjoy how much work you have put into your project. I love your titles for your stories and I enjoy the title of your project as a whole. Thank you for providing hope within your work and continue to provide hope and happiness in your life because that is contagious. We definitely all need hope at one time or another. Thank you and Good luck with your finals.
Hi Olivia! I am coming from the Indian Epics class. This is my first time looking at projects from the Myth and Folklore class. I am glad I came across yours. The look of your project is very cohesive and on theme. I enjoyed reading you stories. The thing I liked most is the theme of hope. I also enjoyed your writing style. Your choice of words and attention to detail helps the reader to envision the story. It's something that I appreciate as a reader. I think your intentions are what I enjoyed the most as a reader. You put a lot of effort into this project, there's no doubt about that. It is reflected in your portfolio. I see that hope is a recurring theme. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Olivia, I have been following your project since the beginning and have left a couple of comments on this page already. I think you are a great writer and that really shines through in your project. All of your stories are so unique. Saint Francis is such a pure and innocent meet-cute love story. Including the child made it even cuter. Lance in Love comes off as more of a teen drama. I can see it being made into a Netflix movie. The Jealous Uncle was creepy and sad. It had the feel of a good thriller-mystery novel. You wrote it so well, I believe I commented saying you should write an entire novel in this genre. It was great. And the your final story, Alice in Wonderland, went in a new direction. Obviously, it was Wonderland themed but you added your own twists to it. The romance level that you added connected this story to your other ones. Love has been the unifying theme throughout all of your stories. Even in your creepy story Jealous Uncle, love is a main theme. Good luck with finals! -Ann
I love the soft colors on your site! The layout is super readable and the tone of your story really seemed to suit the plot. I also like this adaptation of St. Francis of Assisi! It gives the story a totally new life.
ReplyDeleteDo the dogs whimper because they're afraid of his greatness? Or is it like a happy puppy whimper? I also want to know why St. Francis was suffering! Is he sick? Is it a spiritual void? Did people notice that he wasn't doing well? Did the boy know he was helping St. Francis, or did he really just want to buy fruit?
I noticed that the first story is labeled "Intro" in the top corner - you may want to change it to "Story 1" or "St. Francis". Also, the homepage is super low contrast - it's nice to look at, but maybe you'll want to put a little text in the bottom half (like a link to your comment wall or a brief introduction to your theme), just so it will look a little more full. Great work over all! I'm looking forward to reading more.
Olivia,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great start! I remember reading your story in a previous week, and I liked how the first half got beefed up a bit. First of all, your layout and colors are really pretty, and I love the idea about choosing joy and how your stories have the purpose of bringing happiness to the reader. One thing I would suggest about your home page, I think it is supposed to include a sentence or two about what your portolio is? Also, a link to the comment wall (this page) somewhere so readers have easy access to it when they want to leave feedback. Some of my thoughts from the first time I read your story still remain. I also read the saints and animals unit, and I was really suprised when you had Saint Francis need to be romantically involved in order to feel fulfilled, when traditionally it is the complete opposite. I wonder how the authenticity of their relationship would change if you fleshed out the relationship a bit more? It would also give you a more length, which I was left wanting since your writing style is so nice. I wanted more to read! I was a little confused in your author's note when you said "This message can also be seen in the traditional story Saint Francis of Assisi”, when your message is "you can have everything but if you have no one to share it with then you have nothing", but then describe a story that deals with a wolf. Also, I am still a bit unsure how these stories are supposed to be bringing the reader joy, but I am looking forward to how your vision will develop in the future. Great start!
Hi Olivia!
ReplyDeleteI just read your first story and absolutely loved it. What a great story to welcome people to your site! The story of St. Francis and Clare is so beautiful and definitely makes people feel good. I love the paragraph format the you chose to tell your story in. Have you thought about including dialogue or additional pictures in between paragraphs to engage a more of a storybook feel? I think it might be very beneficial in helping the reader to feel more interested in the story and in turn help them feel good after reading it. Your site looks great so far! I think it might be helpful to spice up your homepage a bit. I just redid mine today and added a few pictures just to provide a few more visuals. It helps excite people who are coming to your site. Additionally, it might be easier for your readers to find your comment wall if it is linked somewhere on your site. Maybe on the homepage or under your stories? Such a great start and can't wait to see what else you'll do.
Hello Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI was first intrigued by your title of "Choose Joy." I thought this was a good reminder that some days that is a choice for us to make. I do like how you incorporated a love story. I was wondering what was causing the void in St. Francis. He seemed to have lived a life that became fulfilling for him, or I would believe that he would not have chosen to keep living that way. I wonder what the two lovebirds did with their time once they finally found each other. Did they spend their days making the world a better place? What if they did outreaches where they would give fresh fruit to the homeless people of the city? One suggestion I have for the appearance of your story is trying to find a higher resolution picture of Saint Francis, or maybe making the size of the picture smaller. When I look at your page, that picture is quite blurry. Good luck with future edits!
Hi Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you had doves grab Saint Francis's attention. Using animal reactions to demonstrate the goodness of a character is classic and a method all readers will recognize, therefore a perfect way to do it! Great job on the entire story, it was cute, sweet, and fun to read!
I wonder what Clare and Saint Francis said to each other when they first met? Was it a little bit awkward or immediately romantic in a soulmate kind of way? Was it dramatic or super casual? Perhaps you could add a couple lines of romantic dialogue to make this meet-cute even cuter! If these two were recounting how they met, how would they describe it? How about how they fell in love? Or did both happen simultaneously? Your story is already cute and romantic; it seems like this kind of stuff comes naturally to you! I am in favor of adding more romantic details/details on the romance! Good job and good luck!
Hey Olivia!
ReplyDeleteMy first impression from your website was that the main page felt somewhat barren. You might want to include some expository details and links around to make it a bit easier to get around.
I enjoyed your story quite a bit! To see a man who spent his life bringing joy to others fall to his lowest moment, then find the beginning of his new life not only was a great story, but very well set the stage for the rest of the stories you'll be creating, assuming that they will fall into a similar vein of tone/moral. I think you could maybe include some more detail into the story, such as why Francis came to such despair or who the boy was or what his purpose was other than uniting the two to-be lovebirds. Lastly, I think that the first interaction between the woman and Francis felt very natural, and helped to not feel like an artificial romance.
Hello Olivia!
ReplyDeleteGreat page. I think it seems like you focused on the story telling, something that we could all learn from. Sometimes it is best to remember that writing itself really is the most important part of writing! Your story Lance in Love is a great take on The Lion in Love. I was definitely following the similarities, but you did an excellent job of putting your own spin on the writing. The narrative felt very modern and I think that if Aesop was writing today, the stories would read a lot like yours. I fel the same way about your take on St. Francis. Your depiction of his kindness to Clair is probably very accurate to how this exchange would have happened today. Even the way that the dove is personified made it seem like it was happening in real time, not like most dated folklore stories. I am interested to see what other stories you write in this same modern and current voice.
Hi Olivia!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the aesthetic of your blog. The light pastels and the white text is a really good combination. The ocean banner image is very relaxing too! I really enjoyed reading your stories and it is evident that you pay attention to detail. I think that you have an ongoing theme of love in your stories and I think that's very intriguing. Your story Lance in Love was my favorite; it was a great twist off the original story and a great modern day love story. Particularly, I really liked that you gave the story a happy ending. Your story with St. Franics and Clair was very endearing. I think you accurately illustrated how their relationship would actually be. I am eager to continue reading more of your stories and getting to know you better! Have a great rest of the semester! Good Luck! -Madee
Hey Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI am actually from the Indian Epics class, but I wanted to read something new. I am glad that I came across your portfolio. The romance you put in the story was enjoyable to read. I know you should not get into a relationship to change others, but I like how Lance changed for the better. I like how you made opposites attract. Did you consider making a scene where Lance and Madison have their first encounter? I would like to see how they react to each other. I think adding some good things about Madison and Lance's character would show why they were attracted to each other and not so much focused on what they wanted to change about each other. I know you included something like this when you said, "Madison feared Lance’s power, she was also equally attracted to it. "If you expand on this I think it would bring your story more together. Overall, a great read!
Joanna
Hi Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI love the idea behind your project. As a tired and stressed out college student, I could always use some joy, and your sweet stories and soft color scheme work well together to make sure your reader feels that. I have already read and commented on your first story, Saint Francis. I liked it a lot, and your next story was just as good.
Some notes:
On your homepage, Saint Francis comes before Lance in Love. But at the top where you have links to the next story, the order is reversed. I read Saint Francis a week ago so I think that was your first one but I am not sure. Either way, it would be a good idea to make sure the order matches.
In Lance in Love, one thing I noticed is that you use the word "while" a lot. Perhaps in your revision you could change that.
I thought this story was really sweet and I enjoyed reading it.
Keep up the good work!
Hi Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI really like the look of your website. I also found the topic of your stories to be helpful, especially for college students.
I enjoyed your story titled "Lance in Love." The story was very well written, and you delivered a compelling plot. I liked how you changed it from the original story to fit a modern realistic scenario. I also liked how you left out the part where the family goes on to take advantage of the lion. The original story kind of had a message of negativity when it comes to love. Sort of like, the dumb things you do for love kind of thing. But you focusing on the "love can tame all things" aspect was a really turn for the story.
I wish you could have provided some concrete examples of Lance's actions as to proved that he changed. In the original story, the lion made some very permanent changes to his body. What is to stop Lance in picking up his bad habits again?
I really enjoyed the story and I look forward to reading more story from you!
Hello, Olivia!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your first story, Lance in Love, and I really enjoyed it! I really like how you turned a sad story into a happy one and had the characters grow along the way, especially Lance. I did not expect him to agree to change, but he did out of love for Madison, which I found very sweet.
Just a few things: make sure to keep the same tense throughout the story--in a few places you use the present tense when most of the story is in the past tense. Also, at one point you use the word "donate" when I think you meant to use "donation". But other than those minor things, the story was really well-written and I am so excited to read what else you will write for this project! I love the theme of joy and agree that joy is seriously lacking in many people's lives, sadly.
Great work and I look forward to seeing how your storybook progresses throughout the semester!
Hello Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI am a really big fan of your storybook project! Every aspect of it is really well done! The writing in your stories is very descriptive, and your word choice and overall writing style really flows with the theme and feeling of your story as a whole. I was pleasantly surprised that the story had a happy ending, and I think that it was really well executed! Your website layout is another component that makes your storybook so effective. The images and website theming you employed really reflect how the story feels, and that really makes the whole storybook feel more cohesive and makes its effect even larger on the reader!
Keep up the fantastic work and I hope you have a great rest of the semester!
Hey Olivia,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time looking at your project. The site overall looked really good. I liked the photos you chose and the way everything was set up. Also, the link to your comment wall worked which was great because I have read a few where it didn't and I had to do some digging to find the comment wall. I didn't have that problem here!
As for your stories, the way you adapted the first one was really creative. I felt sorry for the lion in the original story so I was glad there was a happy ending. I wonder if you could go more into detail about the way Lance changed. It felt a bit rushed. Also, I would like seeing more interaction between him and Madison. Why did she love him despite his flaws? Was she blind to them or did she put up with them out of love? Other than that, it was really good.
-Elyse
Hi Olivia,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really like the title of your portfolio! I was really drawn in by it. You obviously are really creative in the way you have retold these stories.So often there are sad endings to the stories we read in this class but you found a way to make it a happy ending. I feel like your personality really shines through these stories as well which is a hard thing to do when we aren't completely making up our own. Good Job! Keep up the good work!
Hey howdy Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI am a big fan of your site. I remember seeing your set up earlier in the semester and I think you have continued to take it in a great direction. I particularly enjoyed your telling of the Lion in Love story, or should I say "Lance in Love!" For one, I thought that the setting of the story was a refreshing twist to change such a classic tale. Even from the introductory sentence, language like "speed of light" tells the reader that the narrative will be taking place in a modern world. Or at least a lot different than the world of Aesop. Changing the world of the story gives us so many opportunities for literary exercises, and you definitely took advantage of that here. The use Lance and Madison to tell this story in a world of today really comes through in your writing. It is funny how much the story still seems so relevant, when it comes out and is set in such a different time than the original.
Hey Olivia!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first chance this semester to get to look through your portfolio. I think you did such a great job of making it your own! For one, your three stories are all very unique, as is the layout of your site!! It’s super readable, is easy on the eyes, and I didn’t have any trouble finding my way around.
Ok let’s get to the stories. After looking over your site I immediately clicked on the story about St. Francis. I have always loved history, and I’m especially fond of medieval church history. Both St. Francis and St. Clare are figures I am very much familiar with, and I wanted to see what twists you put on their story!
I think you did a great job of keeping the old feel while still adding in your own touch. I think you made a good point about how as humans, we have many felt and real needs. Well done!
Hello Olivia!
ReplyDeleteI am from the Indian Epics portion of Professor Gibbs class. I love sneaking over to y'alls side of town and reading your stories. It is a lot of fun when you have not read the original story that sparked your story. I suggest giving it a go! I read your story about the jealous uncle. Since I did not read the Native American tale it came from, I was in suspense the whole time. I am not a nail biter, but I almost became one while reading your story! This week we are writing about paragraph formation and how it may enhance a story. I thought the way you broke up your story into the different paragraphs helped how the story read. It made it easier. As a side note, I really enjoyed your first sentence. I like how you set the scenery, and provided the reader a visual. Great Story, and even great meme! haha
Hey Olivia,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to first say that I was super excited to get to meet and talk to you in person. It really helped me better my stories so thank you for the suggestions. You are an awesome person and I really like Chase also! This is my first time looking at your portfolio and I must say you have done an amazing job. I really like the layout of your site and I feel it is very aesthetically pleasing. I think your stories all have your own personal twist on them, which is easier to see after talking with you. I like how you were able to maintain the theme of the original stories but also change it up enough to keep it very interesting and have an original look/feel. I like how you changed the ending also on the lion story, I kept getting disappointed because some of these stories make it all at the lion's expense. Great job so far and hope you have a great rest of the semester!
Hi again Olivia,
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I just read your latest story. How disturbing, but well written. The suspense was killing me, I was racing through the words to get to the end. I was so scared to read what she would find behind the door. Thank god the kids were alive and it was not just bodies but still, what a sad story. Those poor kids and parents. They all must be traumatized. Yikes. And so scary to think of crazy people like the uncle. I think what truly makes this so disturbing is the fact that it could and does happen in real life. Some people are truly messed up.
Anyway, you clearly did a fantastic job writing this to make me so bothered. If you go into writing, perhaps this should be your genre. Suspense/thriller/mystery, you are clearly good at it. What a different vibe from your other stories too, which is not a bad thing. I think it is really cool how you went with a totally different feeling and genre for this story but still kept to your theme. It is definitely more interesting than another love story, though you are good at writing those too.
Thought it was interesting to read about where you got the idea for this story and how you changed it. Good job. Your paragraphs are good and I like your design.
Hi Olivia,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting your site and I was not disappointed. I love the theme you chose to incorporate into each of your stories. Everyone loves reading a short story that makes them smile. I really liked the message in the story about Saint Francis because its absolutely true. The essence of love is putting other's needs and wants before your own for with no expectations of getting anything in return. It is a natural feeling to want to be loved, so to follow the golden rule and treat others the way you want to be treated, you must make others feel loved. You are right when you said in your note that if you have all the love in the world, but don't share it, then you have nothing. Great work on your stories and thank you for the smiles.
Hey Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading the story about the jealous uncle. When I clicked onto your page I saw the meme that said “Hide yo kids” and I just knew I had to read that story! It was an awesome story, too. I see how you implemented the general agenda of your storybook about “Choosing Joy” in the mother’s actions. I don’t think I would ever stop looking for my kids if they were being stolen like that. Your paragraph spacing was good. I didn’t see anything that really needed to be changed in it. In my stories there is a lot of dialogue, so Professor Gibbs has asked that I break each line from a different character into a new paragraph to promote clarity, but it doesn’t appear that you had any dialogue. Still, your paragraphs were of appropriate size, so I don’t think you really need to adjust anything. Great work!
Brady
Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for having the intention you have for your storybook. Lots of people decide to skate through things in life and ultimately don't do much to feed back into society. You are fulfilling your duty by creating a positive, uplifting storybook that inspires us to live our best life. Thank you! As this was my first time visiting your storybook, I was immediately drawn to the story about Lance Dumas; it really is a pretty great name :). I also made another connection to the story because I'm a Leo! Lions are pretty cool too, hehe.
In regards to this story, I love the message here. I'm glad you put a positive spin on it and made it a happy ending. For improvements, I would recommend adding more resolution, or just transitioning from the climax/problem to the end/solution a little bit better. Readers like seeing enough resolution that is proportional to the build-up that was done.
Other than that, I had no other big bones to pick! Great job!
-Lance J.
Hey Olivia,
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time now getting to read through your storybook, and it has really come along a lot in a positive way since the last time I read it! The website is still very awesome and lends itself to creating an interactive experience for the reader, and it really allows the reader to immerse themselves in your stories and ideas because of its continuity. I love getting to read your uplifting and happy stories because the storybook is doing exactly what you intend it to! I am impressed by how your writing style really creates a world within the story and allows the reader to actually imagine what things look like and how things are interacting. Great work, and I can't wait to read more in the future!
Hey Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed getting to read through your work on your project. I also enjoyed reading the stories because despite all the hard things your characters went through they still kept hope. I think the idea of spreading hope and happiness is a wonderful thing and many times we miss those things because we get tired of dealing with the everyday world. I am also grateful of your website design. The design is minimal which allows for me to read your stories easily. I also really enjoy how much work you have put into your project. I love your titles for your stories and I enjoy the title of your project as a whole. Thank you for providing hope within your work and continue to provide hope and happiness in your life because that is contagious. We definitely all need hope at one time or another. Thank you and Good luck with your finals.
Hi Olivia!
ReplyDeleteI am coming from the Indian Epics class. This is my first time looking at projects from the Myth and Folklore class. I am glad I came across yours. The look of your project is very cohesive and on theme. I enjoyed reading you stories. The thing I liked most is the theme of hope. I also enjoyed your writing style. Your choice of words and attention to detail helps the reader to envision the story. It's something that I appreciate as a reader. I think your intentions are what I enjoyed the most as a reader. You put a lot of effort into this project, there's no doubt about that. It is reflected in your portfolio. I see that hope is a recurring theme.
Good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your project since the beginning and have left a couple of comments on this page already. I think you are a great writer and that really shines through in your project. All of your stories are so unique. Saint Francis is such a pure and innocent meet-cute love story. Including the child made it even cuter.
Lance in Love comes off as more of a teen drama. I can see it being made into a Netflix movie.
The Jealous Uncle was creepy and sad. It had the feel of a good thriller-mystery novel. You wrote it so well, I believe I commented saying you should write an entire novel in this genre. It was great.
And the your final story, Alice in Wonderland, went in a new direction. Obviously, it was Wonderland themed but you added your own twists to it. The romance level that you added connected this story to your other ones. Love has been the unifying theme throughout all of your stories. Even in your creepy story Jealous Uncle, love is a main theme.
Good luck with finals!
-Ann